Out of Sight, In the Mind

I've been disappointed lately. Disappointed in myself, and sad about my future. I'm taking accounting courses and re-studying Project Management, but I don't know where all this effort will take me. It's like... why didn't I do this when I was younger?

The following graphs are what makes me most stressed. Ladies and gents, allow me to present my carelessness with my personal spending.

Notice how monthly spending is higher than monthly earnings. Most of the money I am spending are from my emergency savings.

I was thinking about how I can reduce my spending, but it looks like most of the money goes to bills and student debt repayment. I guess that's okay.

I'm not sure why personal spending needs to exceed food, but that's how I save to get what I want-- I use my food money to buy personal stuff. Personal spending includes medical fees, clothing, hygiene products, and everything else that doesn't fit in the other major spending categories. (This is why I'm malnourished and thin.) I still have yet to get professional help with these 2-inch calluses under my feet and my facial eczema. My "cheap" methods of treating them have made them worse.

I wanted bills and loan repayment to be 50% of the pie graph, but it looks like it won't be possible. Ever. A portion of my earnings go to family spending. I'm always crying on the inside when I think about my debt. I don't want to be over 30 years old when I finish paying it all off.

The best way I can increase my savings and loan repayment is if I decrease the number of outings I have, but I feel bad rejecting invitations to things I know that my friends want to share and enjoy. I would invite them to my place if it was my place to begin with-- I'm still living with my family. Probably will live with them until I die. My family has this thing against people coming into the house. They think people are after us and all the stuff we hoarded. It just won't work out: having family and friends together in the same house can get awkward.

If I look at this financial situation in a different angle, maybe what I need is not just reducing my spending. I'm currently working three jobs. Maybe I should find another job with higher pay.