And It Hit Me

It's my third year studying environmental studies as my major, and it seem like there is an endless amount of work that need to be attended to. I think it may be because the courses I chose require a lot of attention. I enjoy the topics the lecturers and students talk about in my courses, but there's just too many issues in this world to talk about. School club activities also require spending a few hours every week.

I calculated the amount of time I spend on average in classes, school work, club(s), and travelling to figure out how many hours I have to myself at home to do chores, eat, clean, and sleep per week. This is what I got:

44 hours in class
12 hours for school work
6 hours for club
18 hours travelling

total: 80 hours
Hours per week: 168
Hours to myself at home: 88

If I divide 91 hours by 7 for each day of the week, I get about 12 hours to myself (not rounding up) everyday. I spend about 6 or less of those hours sleeping, so I actually get 6 hours to eat decent meals, read manga, iron shirts, and blah, blah, blah.

I wanted to try going to the pool at night, try this 'going out with friends' thing I've been missing these past years, and attending events held by the city and unknown organizations. I haven't been able to stop at a mall to get a swimsuit though, so swimming's out of the question. I either don't feel a comfortable connection with friends when we're together anymore or people keep cancelling on me, so I can't seem to keep up with this 'going out' thing. Tickets to events are costly, and it's not as fun when you're there without a friend as it would with a friend. I am complaining. I should just go do things myself rather than ask people to go with me, shouldn't I?

This is the part where an imaginary friend comes by, hangs out with me 24/7, and I end up being called a lunatic [again]. Many times I hope a bus or a truck would hit me, even though I know the chances of that happening is under 50%. I would occasionally listen to news reports about people being hit by a bus or a truck and I wonder how the people they knew were affected. Whenever I think about how I'm alive, I make a schedule. Maybe that's why I don't have enough free time to myself.

The skin under my eyes are purple.